Amina

Ah, the world of intra-office conflict.  It's the part of professional life companies aren't advertising in your flashy offer letter.  The truth of the matter is that whether it's your first job or one down the line, when you accept an job offer you're simultaneously inheriting a culture, one that was established long before your arrival and is likely to continue after your final goodbyes.  Unlike an intra clique rift between you and your closest college girlfriends, the repercussions of involving yourself in the lose-lose world of intra-office debates, rivalries, and allegiances come at a much higher cost, particularly as an entry-level employee.   

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My first experience as professional collateral damage occurred about a year out of college.  Bright eyed, and entirely bereft of any corporate experiences, I jumped at the opportunity to reroute my professional identity.  What began as an exciting new adventure quickly propelled into a whirlwind of unaccountability, self-preservation and paranoia all of which contributed to my eventual resignation several months later.

I spent months backtracking and salvaging witnesses and allies.  In fact, the majority of my job felt more like an awkward middle school game of spin the bottle, intriguingly inappropriate and entirely self-deprecating.  And with little to no professional weight in the matter, it quickly became clear that I was the girl at the party with headgear and permanent garlic breath.  Rather than leaning into my singularity, unwarranted efforts to offer my own moral observations on the looming issues ultimately backfired as I soon found myself at the center of the conflict, a primary witness and defenseless scapegoat.

Because repeating history is clichéd and entirely unnecessary in this case, here are my tips for avoiding intra-office conflict and continuing to handle business like a well seasoned pro:

1) Keep it 'work' centric 

The key to any professional relationship is remaining work focused.  Pretty straightforward right?  If it doesn’t directly affect your ability to do your job, you’ve veered out of the professional realm.  Of course it isn’t taboo to discuss life outside of work but it’s important to be completely cognizant of it when you do take a more personal approach.  Nuanced variations on cultural and social 'normality' can blur the line between personal and inappropriate, so until you have a better gauge of personalities and the actual confidentiality of your conversations, I’d advise sticking to a work-dominant script.  Need some help getting started?  These are questions I like to ask before beginning a project with any new colleagues or partners:

What is your working style?

How do you prefer to receive feedback? 

What is the best way to reach you (text, email, phone)?

Would you prefer I schedule meetings or would you like updates as I have them?

You can get a brief overview of who they are, likes and dislikes, without prying too much into the personal territory.

2) It’s all about the positive spin

Unfortunately, choosing sides isn’t a tactic that’s left behind on the elementary school playground.  I’ve been asked on several occasions to pledge my allegiance to someone’s cause in direct opposition to another’s.  The easiest way to wiggle your way out of this tricky situation is by mastering what I like to call the 'positive spin.'  Frankly, it’s not your job to select a victor (even if you have one in mind).  So if avoiding the conversation doesn’t seem to be giving off the 'I’m not interested' signal as strongly as you like, remain positive and move on. 

EXAMPLE:

Disgruntled Co-worker: 'Don’t you hate the way he/she never responds to emails on time?'

Your Too Cool To Be Weighed Down Response: 'He must have a busy schedule today, maybe we can use the extra time to come up with a game plan while we’re waiting for him to get back to us.'

3) Always keep a copy

It’s unfortunate but it’s true.  You should keep a copy of every correspondence you have with each of your co-workers.  Long hours, significant pressure, emotions can run high.  On the off chance that you find yourself in the middle of an office spat, the best thing you can put toward the conversation is a written, time stamped record.  Not only is it entirely indisputable but it can also help clear up misperceptions lurking under the surface.  It’s the simplest route to solving a disagreement without adding fuel to the fire.

4) Embrace the beauty of the blind side  

Simply put, if you weren’t there, you aren’t a witness.  Your experiences with co-workers are exactly that - yours.  The only time you should ever be offering your two cents on an intra-office conflict is if you are or were directly affected by the event in question.  I’m all for relationships but while sticking your neck out for a co-worker may earn you a temporary gold star for camaraderie it also places you at considerable risk if things go south. 

Many offices and political spats after my initial corporate snag, it has become increasingly apparent that while there are, indeed, offices that handle disagreements with far more professionalism than others, conflict in the work place is relatively unavoidable.  However, the difference between colleagues that are involved in conflict and those that are professionally defined by conflict comes down to a simple matter of basic human emotion—being liked.

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The difference between colleagues that are involved in conflict and those that are professionally defined by conflict comes down to a simple matter of basic human emotion — being liked.

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Following suit of just about every mentor/authoritarian/parental figure a Millennial has ever known: would you rather be liked or respected?  While I might argue that the two are not mutually exclusive, I will say that being liked can most certainly exist as a byproduct of respect, however the subjective nature of being 'liked' (i.e. judged by anything other than your professional output) places you at an unnecessary risk for some old fashioned gossip warfare and may damage your reputation permanently in the respect department.

I know, I know, being liked is important.  But at a certain point you need to ask yourself if it is what is most important, especially during the beginning stages of your career.  Big girl world calls for big girl rules and when it comes to business, professional life and personal life are two completely separate entities (or at least until you get your feet firmly planted).  Yes, it seems strange given that you’ve spent the past four years of your life, engaging in dining hall dates and study groups with your 'professional' circles, but getting invited to an exclusive pregame before the company holiday party isn’t exactly fodder for upward mobility.   

My advice? For the time being, table your 'liking' priorities and hone in on that respect piece.  Earn your co-workers’ trust by becoming the 'no-nonsense nurturer' who plays by her own rules.  By setting a work first precedent, you’ll find yourself at the center of new and exciting professional opportunities, you’ll feel the freedom of forming your own relationships, and most importantly, you’ll call the shots when it comes to professional risks now and down the road.  So take back the reigns and own that intra-office culture like a #girlbosss…besides 'he said, she said,' is so five years ago.

 

Amina is a Chicago-based blogger/writer who works as an advertising strategist in her free time. She graduated from Amherst College in May of 2013 with a degree in American Studies and is still very much in the process of decoding the post grad life on a daily basis. If you like what you’ve read on bSmart Guide, feel free to check out more of her work on her personal blog Yours Exceptionally or for post grad advice on the go, follow her on Twitter @Amina_Taylor. 

 

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