I recently wrote about the dangers of having expectations that are too high when looking for a partner.  The flip side of this argument is that it’s important to consider having some sort of guide or roadmap to finding the types of person you want to be with.  I was recently having a conversation with a friend who was citing her ‘top 5 list’ for what she’s looking for in a partner and said, “AJ, I need to be with a person who is 1) God-fearing, 2) attractive, 3) has a good personality, 4) treats me well and 5) likes sports.”  

I then asked her, “What do you mean by God-fearing? What is your definition of good personality?  How does someone treat you well?”  I explained that beyond liking sports, there was nothing specific to her list of characteristics for a good partner.  And perhaps the reason she was drifting from relationship to relationship was that, although she had a list of attributes, those attributes had no true definition of what she was looking for, and perhaps she needed to go back to the drawing board to determine what she really wanted prior to going on another date.

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I commend my friend for having some idea of the standards she feels are important in a relationship.  However there are many women looking for ‘THE ONE’ with no roadmap at all.  Even Jay-Z has ‘The Blueprint III,’ which maps his journey from song to song and how the events of his life led him to where he is today.

I’ve often heard that if you stand for nothing you’ll fall for anything.  Herein lies the fate of many single women and is the cause for much heartbreak and wasted time and energy.  Understand that I’m not suggesting any magic potion whereby you blink your eyes and your lonely days are over.  In fact, I’m suggesting the opposite - by having a set of standards, a list, a blueprint, a guide (whatever you want to call it) – this may result in higher standards, which may actually lead you to many dateless nights, but with the benefit of TIME not WASTED.

Consider this: if you’ve taken time to self-reflect and find out what is important to you, then when a person approaches you that does not fit into the definition of what you TRULY need, not just want, then you can allow yourself the freedom to let that person walk on by.  This may occur after the first date, the second, or even the fifth, but if you already know where you’re going and what you need long-term, and if this person doesn’t fit that, then why on earth are you trying to make a square fit into a round hole?  (You know what I mean.)

I love being a woman because we are strong, persistent, smart and intuitive. However these attributes don’t serve us in relationships or dating if we don’t take the time to evaluate our worth, what we need and deserve, create the vision, write it down and WAIT for it.  

I would to love to hear you thoughts on dating, standards, and waiting, as this is only my perspective.  Tell me what has or hasn’t worked for you in finding a partner.

 
About AJ Williams, The Single Black Chick: Digital Editor/Social Media Manager/Columnist/Writer for the Michigan Chronicle.  Former Relationship & Dating columnist for FRONTPAGE Detroit. Creator and Blogger-in-Chief at SingleBlackChick.com.
 

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