Let me take a poll (virtual, of course): how many of you still get a little peeved when your ex’s name is brought up in casual conversation?  You’re not alone.  It wasn’t until a few months ago that I could actually hear his name without having tears well up in my eyes.  So, let’s get the venting out of the way before we proceed, okay?  He or she screwed you over.  You tried really hard to win back your ex’s affection.  You gave your all in a relationship and he or she didn’t reciprocate.  Yada, yada, yada.  

You deserve way more than how your ex treated you.  And while every person who's been hurt would agree with you and knows exactly how you feel, let’s think about all you've learned from that person.  Think about the person you are now.  Think about how far you've come and about how you’ve matured because of your ex.  Now, let’s give him or her a round of applause, shall we?  You might not be there yet, but read on, and I think you’ll find a reason to thank him or her… eventually.

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1) Thank you for screwing me over.

It’s not too often we thank someone for messing up our lives.  In fact, we never do that.  But think about what you learned from the heartbreak.  You learned how to not let your guard down so quickly.  You learned how to love yourself and be okay with being you.  You learned the warning signs to avoid to not make the same mistake again, and above all, you learned how much you’re worth.

2) Thank you for showing me how I should be treated.  

Before you were in the relationship that tore your heart into fragile pieces, you may have had an idea about how you should be treated - like a princess, right?  But you weren’t sure what that looked like until your ex lied to you and decided you weren’t worthy of his or her time anymore.  Now you're a little more aware of how someone should win your affection and how they should treat you.  If you’re still not sure, I suggest taking The 5 Love Languages quiz designed to tell you how you demonstrate and show love.  The results will help you communicate to your significant other how you need to be treated to make you feel loved in the way you respond to most.

3) Thank you for helping me realize who I’m meant to be.

Time to get real for a second.  A relationship is comprised of two people and both people are going to make mistakes.  Heck, I made plenty of mistakes and I'm 50 percent of the reason why my ex won’t talk to me.  He helped me recognize my ugly and because of that, I'm able to evaluate situations, be more kind and realize exactly who I want to be as a person.  That’s pretty powerful stuff, don’t ya think?

4) Thank you for putting up with my crazy.

But really.  You would be the first one to admit you’re a tough cookie to be with sometimes.  I have very high standards and although it wasn’t roses all of the time, he stuck through it with me (for the most part).  When we ended things and I had time to step back and look at the relationship without anger swelling up inside, I realized I can be a tough one to date.  My standards are unearthly high and my expectations are somewhat unreachable.  Now I know... and I have my ex to thank for that.

Think about how far you've come and about how you’ve matured because of your ex.

5) Thank you for leading me to be a better person.

Think of your ex as a trailblazer.  He or she helped pave the way to a better you, and better future relationships.  My ex helped craft me into the person I'm meant to be, and showed me not only who I want to be in the future, but also the kind of person I want to be in a relationship.

Phew.  You made it.  Even if there were a few eye rolls at the idea of thanking your ex...remember, that person was placed in your life so that you could get some of the messy mistakes out of the way.  He or she deserve a ‘thank you’ for that alone, don’t you think?  Trust me, you’ll feel 10x better if you kill them with kindness in your mind and heart.  I’ve been doing that for four years now and I like to think I'm better off because of it.  So, let me practice what I preach: if you’re reading this (you know who you are), thank you for helping me become who I'm meant to be.  Thank you for dealing with my ugly and sticking through it with me.  You helped refine me so that I can become my most beautiful self, and one day meet my own Mr. Right.