Love, a dazzling and elusive force, grasps all of us in mysterious ways.  As a little girl, I was never one to fantasize about fairy-tale endings or romanticize the idea of a prince saving me; it seemed so unrealistic, even to my four year old self.  Nearly fifteen years later, the prospect of falling in love still fails to entice me because dating is no longer what it used to be.  Unlike the 1990s, the boy next door probably won’t knock on your door to take you to dinner, but instead, text you for a night of ‘Netflix and chill’ — not so romantic, right?

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Perhaps a generational difference, ‘hook-up culture’ is to blame; this phenomenon is commonplace amongst young adults and prevails across college campuses.  One-night stands and other anonymous rendezvouses are normalized, while movie and dinner dates are becoming obsolete and reserved for serious relationships only.  Few of my college friends or acquaintances consider finding a significant other a probable venture.  The mistake of romanticizing a hook-up, expecting the random guy from last weekend’s frat party to be your boyfriend, is nearly a guaranteed disappointment.  It’s not as if everyone dreams of a casual relationship or FWB, but hook-up culture is so predominant that there are simply less fish in the sea of commitment.

Communication, or lack thereof, adds more weight to the burden of commitment.  I can’t remember the last time someone called me to have a conversation and consequently, the ability to verbally connect is faltering.  Ironically, in a culture so preoccupied with saving time, a five-minute phone conversation seems less constructive than thirty minutes worth of text message exchanges about the same topic.  With so much time to think of a response and craft our wit in a text, the former ease of dialogue is now absent in person-to-person interactions.  A concentration on brief small talk filled with ‘OMGs’ and ‘LOLs’ takes away from the sentiment of truly connecting with someone. 

Everything in hook-up culture is temporary.  I often debate whether to activate my read receipts out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings but like most things, every conversation must end and sometimes, not receiving a message is also a message — nonetheless, this all ends up being a game of how deliberately you want to ignore someone.  It’s an unfortunate truth that not replying to someone’s message and allowing them to descend out of your life without a second thought is simpler than returning calls to last weekend’s muse. 

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Hook-up culture is so predominant that there are simply less fish in the sea of commitment.

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Preoccupied with our busy schedules and demanding lives, chasing hearts becomes secondary to chasing careers.  The systematic process of first getting your life together then maybe finding a significant other has been engrained in my mind for years, and as a result, people are saving the serious stuff for later.  Teenagers and twenty-somethings in America spend so much time developing a foundation for their lives that transient relationships are sometimes more appealing than a permanent one in the long-term.  I have to juggle many responsibilities: from keeping up with my classes to an internship, and hopefully, making time for socialization and sleep in between; falling in love doesn't precisely fit into that agenda. 

Referred to as dating apps, networks such as Tinder or Grindr facilitate hook-up culture, matching locals based primarily on their proximity, interests, and mutual friends.  These apps cater to our fast-paced and time-sensitive lifestyles since not as many people can commit to following the traditional pattern of dating then settling down.  Swipe right for ‘yes’ and left for ‘no’ from first impressions based on someone’s appearance, a quick glance over his or her bio, and perhaps a little investigation into shared friends and interests — it’s that simple and takes seconds to decide whether someone is worthy of a match.  But then what? 

Every time you match with someone on Tinder or even better, receive a ‘Super Like,’ — meaning that someone is highly interested in you, a virtual system of rewards activates.  Certainly it’s validating to add up your matches and deem yourself desirable.  You can access the potential to message your matches and maybe this conversation with a random person a few blocks away will evolve into nothing more than temporary intimacy, further endorsing hook-up culture, or it can bloom into a budding romance — you never know. 

With about 50 million users every month and 12 million matches per day, Tinder surpasses the stereotypical taboo of online dating, magnetizing an abundance of users and undermining doubts about the quest for love in the modern day.  The transition to online dating revolutionizes the means of developing these matches because while some seek out a long-term relationship and others look for something transient, the internet provides the option to scroll through endless soulmates or hook-ups, nit-picking until you select someone who meets your standards. 

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Be mindful of what love means to you and what avenue is worth pursuing.

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I will admit that the internet has reinforced my indecisive tendencies — why settle for just any cup of coffee when I can read online reviews of every coffee shop in a ten mile radius until I find one with renowned service and the best latte art?  This uncertainty plaguing my choices is analogous to the thousands of alternatives in online dating.  With innumerable left and right swipes, it's difficult to choose only one match worthy of a romantic date, also requiring no effort to disregard someone amazing based on a quality that would otherwise be negligible in person.  On the search for the quintessential soulmate, countless options are turning out to be more of a curse than a blessing in settling down.  

So, what’s a modern girl looking for love supposed to do?

While some of us compromise our time and rely on dating apps such as Tinder for short-lived connections, others turn to these channels in search of lifelong partnerships.  A medium for finding love, Tinder and other dating sites are accessible and just as normalized as meeting someone at a bar in the modern day.  In this overload of candidates and hook-ups and hazy messages, it's important to be mindful of what love means to you and subsequently, what avenue for finding love is worth pursuing.  Perhaps your prince charming is already within your grasp or waiting for you in a right-swipe, but that risk is for you to take.  As the world of romance continues to evolve, all is fair in the mystery and excitement of modern love.

 

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