My parents and I are biffles.

I really mean that.

For example, my mom was the first person I told when I got my nose pierced in college. (Granted, she wouldn’t talk to me for a week and cut off my grocery money for the month.) But I knew she needed to be the first one to know. My mom has been the one whose shoulder I’ve cried on when I’ve experienced near-heartbreak; she’ll probably be the first to know when I’m engaged. We drink La Crema chardonnay together, giggle like middle school girls together, and make fun of the old ladies with feathers in their hair at church together. We have a library of selfies that would make Miley Cyrus look stupid.

My dad and I watch The Bachelor together even though he hates it (after all, it “promotes polygamy”). We have taken 20-hour road trips together, driving to and from Chapel Hill, N.C. and Chicago, and up and down the Northern California coast, without a map, just to see what we could see. He has moved me in and out of apartments and homes in Chapel Hill, New York City, Los Angeles and Chicago (and never once has he complained). We cook together, flip through Ansel Adams photography books together, and listen to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young together.

4.25.TW
Selfie of Kaelyn and her mom and dad

Like…my parents and I literally play Cards Against Humanity together. And for you aliens who don’t know what this incredibly awesome game is, it’s the equivalent of an irreverent Apples to Apples, Jerry Springer-meets-Tucker Max version.

Bottom line: My parents are the best.

But not only are my parents my parents, they’re my best friends. I treat them as authority figures for whom I have the utmost respect; gossip buddies; and I expect them to cook me dinners, do my laundry and pay for my no-chip manicures when I am home. (I’m a diva, I know.)

I DO believe I’m one of the lucky ones to have such a special relationship with both my mother and my father, but still, regardless of this fact, it doesn’t mean I neglect to say these four things to them each time I see them.

And I recommend that you, too, do the same.

1. Well, this one couldn’t be more obvious, but say “thank you.”

Thank you for making homemade fish tacos tonight.

Thank you for helping me decorate my first apartment with colorful pillows and matching floral paintings.

Thank you for picking me up from O’Hare International Airport in rush hour traffic, even though you have a million work emails to answer.

Thank you for sending me a Valentine’s Day card in the mail, even though you already called and texted me to tell me that you love me.

Thank you for encouraging me to go far away to college, and for coming to all of the parents’ weekends.

Thank you for supporting my greatest hopes and dreams and accepting me when I failed.

Thank you for even “doing it” in the first place so that I have the wonderful opportunity to experience life. (Just kidding.)

Thank you for being you.

Quite simply, thank you for everything.

2. Offer to help.

This one’s super easy. All you have to say is, “What can I do to help with [fill in the blank]?” (Easy fillers: dinner, trash, errands, cleaning, the dog/cat/gerbil/bird, etc.)

I know it makes my dad happy - no elated - when my brothers and I load the dishwasher. He does handstands when I offer to cook dinner. And my mom nearly cries when I offer to open a can for her (sounds weird, but she has rheumatoid arthritis).

I can only imagine being a parent is the most ridiculously, absurdly hard job in the world, so helping with something big or small is so, so cool in their minds.  

3. Ask them a specific story about their lives — where they were, what they were doing, who they wanted to become — when they were your age

This is my favorite thing to do when I’m with my parents. I never, EVER cease to be amazed at how cool or weird or hilarious or — I’ll just say it — similar they were to me when they were my age.

At 22, my dad had a rockin’ fro and mustache to match, and starting growing his fur “because it was funny” in 1975. (I can’t calculate the amount of times I have done something “just because it was funny.” Really, I do not think I could count.) By the way, he has yet to shave the ‘stache.

My mom was the life of the party in college — Sigma Nu’s “Sweetheart” and president of both her real and secret sorority — and yet she was a wholesome genius too. She maintained a 4.0 on a full-ride scholarship, was homecoming queen of the University of Nebraska, had a full-time job, modeled, AND was Miss Nebraska Teen in the Miss National Teenager Pageant. Aside from the fact that all of these things make me look bad, she was a freakin’ badass.

Just last week, I played the “tell me a story about when you were 22” game with my parents at dinner. And boy, did I find out some crazy shit!

At 22, my mom was engaged to her college boyfriend. She had successfully started a career in Cincinnati working for Procter & Gamble and was to be married at 24. She loved her boyfriend Greg truly, madly and deeply, yet one day woke up and had a life-changing realization: “I can’t wake up to this man when I am 40.” So, she called off the wedding (despite having a dress and scheduled date) and that was that. (Well… minus some serious stalkage on Greg’s part). Then, three years later, she met my dad, fell in REAL grown-up love and married him (in the same dress she had bought to wear in her wedding with Greg, may I add).

I was blown away. My mom had the strength and the guts and the courage to do something like that? It made me love and respect her even more, something that I thought was impossible at the time.

4. And last but certainly not least, and clearly the most important, say “I love you.”

No explanation needed here.

I promise, promise, promise you, these four small tidbits of advice will go miles with your parents. If you’re like me, and you already consider your parents your best friends, it’ll only deepen your bond with them. If you are like most people, who consider your parents just that — your parents — it may gray the line between “parent” and “child,” enabling you to become better friends with them. And if your parents are strangers to you, you might just be able to get to know them. It’s never too late to get to know the people who love you most. And trust me: being best friends with your parents rocks.  

 

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