I’m on the struggle bus: Population my academic workload, the hellish head-cold I can’t seem to shake, getting things lined up for my summer internship and relational issues that have worn out more than one box of tissues… Seriously though, we’ve all been here - stuck in what seems like a never-ending cycle of “The Mondays” when no matter how hard you work you end up falling flat and failing. The hardest thing about dealing with a season in your life that is constantly riddled with stress and disappointment is being able to maintain a consistent performance within your place of work. Whether you are a CEO, a babysitter,  a fulltime student, working retail or waiting tables, dealing with frustration and failure is something we must all come to grips with (easier said than done.)

4.17.TW

Through the years, I have learned (through much catastrophic trial and error) that there are some surefire ways to ease my reaction to disappointment and failure.    

In the midst of failure, take time for yourself

It sounds counterproductive, but trust me, it’s not. I have found, that when I “fail” at work, at school, in relationships, or what have you, my innate tendency is to push back and work even harder to right the wrong, or at least slap a Band-Aid on it sooner rather than later. While there is nothing wrong with owning up to mistakes and handling an issue with prompt grace, over-compensating can be detrimental to both your stamina and mental health. For example, recently I missed a very important submission deadline with a future employer for this upcoming summer. I was tied up in knots over the whole situation so much so I ultimately came on to strong in trying to catch up on my work, digging myself in an even deeper hole. I was so anxious to right my wrong that I got scrambled with my words and answered emails emotionally rather than rationally.

If I had only taken a step back, stopped myself from responding viscerally, taken a moment to put myself first (a latte would’ve made a world of difference), I firmly believe I could’ve saved myself additional stress and embarrassment. I have found, that when facing failure it is important for me to take a moment, do something soothing or creatively stimulating, so that I can then deal with my issues with fresh eyes.  Whether it’s drinking a cup of tea, taking 30 minutes to work out, indulging in an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, treating yourself to a cupcake, or literally taking the moment to breathe and count to ten, me time is crucial to maintain a level-headed since of self when facing difficulties at work.

In the midst of failure, don’t let it define you

“You is kind. You is smart. And you is important.” And don’t ever forget it! After screwing up royally, it’s easy to let that mistake define you for a while. If I’m being completely transparent, I’ve spent entire seasons of my life living in the clouds and shadows of previous failures (some of which were not actually failures on my part at all, but just seemed that way to me in the moment). It’s a very negative and depressing place to find yourself. It makes your work sloppy, your motivation lax, and stifles your potential for greatness with fear of repetition (can you tell I’m preaching to the choir?). Though it’s difficult, in the midst of failure, remember that it is not your mistakes that define where you’re ultimately headed but how you choose to handle them and what you learn from them. You are not your mistakes. You are not your failures. Don’t define yourself by difficulties. You are smarter than that. Never let failure make you feel small.

In the midst of failure, find the opportunity

Failure is only a reality check on the road to make yourself work harder. So things didn’t work out as you planned. Seize the disappointment you feel and channel it into creative problem solving. Honestly, it’s tough to hype yourself up when you feel down, but sometimes it’s a must in order to move forward. Whether you are overcoming a missed sales-quota, an inaccurate prediction, betrayal from a business partner and collaborator, or even a terminated job position, look at your options as a blank canvas. Challenge yourself to reach beyond your expectations and dare to do things differently in the future.

So no matter what obstacle you are facing today at your job, at home, or within your various relationships, I challenge you to take a “me moment”, remember that your shortcomings are not what define you, and actively search for opportunity. And look! I think the sun just got a little bit brighter.  

 

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