Kat Solko

'I choose to be single.'

It’s a valid statement — anyone who tells you differently is basing their self-worth on the relationships they have.  However…sometimes we don’t choose to be single.  Sometimes we hardly have a choice at all.  I’m talking about that old platitude, ‘There’s plenty of fish in the sea.’

As a single lady who lived in NYC this summer, let me say that the sea isn’t actually as expansive as everyone seems to be telling me.

9.12 TW

In light of that experience, I’ve had to be creative in the way I approach potential — or in this case, a lack of potential — in my dating life.  Here my tips for dating in a non-existent pool:

1) Be Open

To anything.  Sometimes, the problem is that you limit yourself before anything starts.  A girl at work wouldn’t call a guy her mom set her up with because he was ‘from Long Island’, and who knows how awful he could be?  Wrong.  What she did was justify her own fear of starting a relationship.  I told her one date didn’t mean marriage, but she’d already made up her mind.  No one can predict what would happen, and now, because she refused to find out, nothing will.

2) But don’t settle

On the flip side of my first tip, don’t settle for something you know won’t make you happy just because you feel lonely.  There’s someone out there, no matter how dire the circumstances may seem.  Don’t agree to a date with a douchebag — they will not solve your problem, and may even exacerbate the symptoms.

3) Get proactive!

Sometimes the sheep won’t just flock to you — you have to shepherd them!  There may be a potential special someone, but if you can’t wait for him to make the first move.  Summer is short, and life is even shorter. Take that risk. You won’t regret it in 50 years, whether or not it even worked out with the guy.

4) Create your own pool

Yes, I’m talking about the big elephant in the room — online dating.  At the very least, it’ll be a hilarious adventure of navigating the weirdos and creeps, fielding bad dates, and great story fodder for the future dates you’re bound to have as an experienced single lady who doesn’t take this whole ordeal too seriously.

5) And finally, try the opposite

Make sure you’re seeking a relationship for the right reasons — the right reasons for you.  Not because you’re ‘getting older’, or ‘need’someone to complete you, or your mom mentioned that your cousin recently got married and casually hints that she’d like to see the same for you.  Maybe you need to try the opposite of what you think you need for yourself — and try being single just a bit longer.  You might discover something amazing about yourself all on your own.

 

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