AJ Williams

I was recently talking to a dear friend about a date she went on and how she was quite optimistic that it may be her next serious relationship.  She shared details about everything from picking out the right outfit to the very upscale restaurant where they met and how he looked even more handsome than when they originally met.  His suit was tailored and his lips looked so kissable she could hardly stop looking at them when he talked.

My friend was in heaven.  She said the dinner was great and the conversation was even better.  As she continued to dish about her evening the conversation took a turn for the worst.  She asked her date why he was single.  He replied with the one thing that should send every single woman who wants a relationship running for the hills.  He said, 'He has friends that he dates, but he’s not looking for a relationship.'  I told my friend, better luck next time.  However, she was insistent on trying to decode what the statement meant.  So, I gave her the harsh dating advice I knew she didn't want to hear or accept, 'It meant, just what he said, that he’s not available, he wants a situationship not a relationship.'

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Situationships are the new purgatory for love relationships.  They can be very deceiving in that they periodically cater to a woman’s need for physical intimacy and attention, coupled with a sense of concern - but with no real emotional attachment, security, or commitment. Unfortunately, these types of so-called relationships can me emotionally damaging and typically are on the man’s terms.  All that being said, my friend continued to give every excuse in the book on why she should still see this guy again.  I just couldn’t believe it.

Contrary to popular belief, men are not that complicated.  Rather, some women become addicted to the thought of having a relationship, or some slight resemblance of a companion, that we try to fit square pegs in round holes.  When did the tables turn?  Women used to be the sought after prize men would court for years, battle to the death, just to get a glimpse of a woman’s ruby stained lips - and now we're settling for situationships.

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Situationships are the new purgatory for love relationships.

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Here’s the real deal ladies: when a man tells you that he's not interested in a relationship hear him and believe him.  This statement is not the green light to convince him otherwise with the hopes that once he gets to know you and your awesome personality (or how great you are in bed) it will persuade him to commit his all to you.

As women we need to reclaim our throne and stop risking our heart on being the exception to this scenario and begin trusting our heart to the rule of expecting more.  As Maya Angelou said 'When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.'

So the next time you’re in the market for a relationship and your date says he’s not looking for one - believe him.  If he’s not looking for what you're looking for in the very beginning, why would you waste your time on a second date?  By ending things right away it will save you time, heartache, and the trouble of ending a very awkward situationship.

 

For more of AJ Williams perspectives on love, relationships and sex, visit her blog www.SingleBlackChick.com

About AJ Williams, The Single Black Chick: Digital Editor / Social Media Manager / Columnist / Writer for the Michigan Chronicle and former Relationship & Dating columnist for FRONTPAGE Detroit.  AJ is the Creator and Blogger-in-Chief at SingleBlackChick.com, a personal blog/website where AJ shares her candid take on relationships, life and love using her dating life as a platform to empowering black women to embrace their skin, sexuality, soul and personal journey.  Follow AJ Williams: Twitter @SingleBlkChick, Instagram @SingleBlackChick, Facebook: Single Black Chick

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