My father’s favorite saying whenever my sisters or I do something of which he is especially proud is: “My one goal in life was to raise three independent, strong-willed, confident women . . . so how the heck did I wind up with three independent, strong-willed, confident women!?”

Of all of my siblings, I am, by far, the most independent.  And, of all the women, I’m the only single one left, which I generally consider a great accomplishment.  But, I can’t count the number of times I’ve stared blankly at the wall after I’ve finished singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” with my nieces over the phone, wondering how to dive back into the dating pool when my stubborn independence works so hard to keep me single.

After many years of trial and error, I’ve had a few successes (and about a million failed attempts) regarding how to use your confidence to your advantage when searching for Mr. Right.

6.20.TW

Here are a few tips I discovered, mostly by falling flat on my face:

1) “Bee” socially conscious

As a confident, independent woman, I gravitate toward leadership roles when working with others and can sometimes become the “queen bee” of the group, which can separate me out rather than integrate me in.  Instead, I'm occasionally trying to be a worker bee, allowing others to take the lead.  This helps me to build relationships, and, as an added bonus, relax, which can only aid in connecting with the right person.

2)  Focus on him

The confident woman tends to always have something to say.  I just spent 12 hours in a car driving to a wedding with 2 strong women and 1 man.  I am not stretching the truth when I say that 98% of the conversation was between the women (I’m pretty sure he piped up once or twice to ask for a change in music).  He may have learned a thing or two about all of us, but very little connection occurred between the sexes.  When on a date, I try to be conscious of getting to know the person sitting across the table from me.  Trust me, if he’s a good guy, there will be plenty of opportunities to pipe up down the road.

3) Love and accept who you are

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to become someone I wasn’t in order to be what I thought a guy wanted.  But, take a note from my dad, who married a wonderfully confident woman, my amazing stepmother, and know that there is a great guy out there whose deepest wish is to be with someone just like you.  Don’t compromise who you are, you’ll regret it in the long run.  And, trust me, relationships don’t work when they’re built on lies . . . even when they’re ones you tell yourself.

So step out!  Be your confident self and trust that there’s a man who can match your stride just around the corner; you need only keep walkin.

 

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