Learn from Smart Women

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They say that love blinds you… and I would say that is definitely true for me.  When you finally stumble upon that person who you know is the one, it seems effortless to give up your entire life and dedicate everything to him or her from then on to keep that relationship.  WRONG CHOICE!  If that person really is the one, your relationship with them will stay intact on its own -   you should never have to even think about giving up anything in your life, for another person. 


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When it comes to relationships there are going to be compromises that both people must make for each other, but these compromises shouldn’t interfere with who you truly are as a person.  These compromises are important because you are both learning to love each other for who you truly are, not trying to take values away from one another.

Sadly, you often do this unintentionally.  You don’t even realize that you are losing yourself because you are so in love with the idea of love or the idea of finally having found a soulmate, that nothing else matters.  You suddenly start to let your world revolve around our significant other!

As women, we're independent and driven to live our lives and accomplish great things.  Letting a relationship come between this desire and having it take precedence over everything you’ve ever wanted is a major no-no.  You might think that love and that person are all you will ever need, and you are okay with having your dreams crushed — but that feeling will end shortly.  Think about the life you had before this special sweetheart entered it - you had goals and ambitions to actually be you!  Don’t let all of that go because you feel tied down to your relationship.  A true love will contain all of this without any need for dream-crushing and interruption.

At first you don’t even know what is happening, and then all of a sudden you realize your life has slipped away from you. Fortunately, there are plenty of easy ways to prevent this life-changing situation from happening to you.  You have to really want it and put your mind to it, and not be blinded by this new love.  You must stand your ground and not let this happen to you.  If you are now realizing that you have lost yourself in favor of your relationship and you are starting to freak out–don’t.  There are plenty of ways to prevent this life-changing situation from happening to you.  You have to really want it and put your mind to it, and not be blinded by this new love.  You can turn this around and put a stop to it.  Live your life the way you are meant to live it.


A true love will contain all of this without any need for dream-crushing and interruption.


Learn to Love Being Alone

It’s important to take a closer look at yourself and evaluate your true interests and passions, and how you want your life to balance out.  Take some time to start a journal or jot down some notes about yourself, and how you would want others to see and describe you.  This is an important exercise because we don’t usually take the time to look at ourselves from a different perspective — we see what we want to see and act without thinking most of the time.   Your lifetime is finite, so make sure you are putting it to good use.  Always do you.  No matter what anyone else tells you, keep listening to that voice in your head telling you what you want, because it’s your life and you can have everything you want.  No one can take anything away from you.

Friends are Forever

Major key: always keep your friends close by.  This is one of the hardest parts of getting into a new relationship.  You might be  used to constantly being with your friends and attached at hip, but as soon as you take an interest in someone it can be easy to forget all about those friends and drop everything for this person.  Avoiding this mistake is probably one of the most important things to keep in mind.  You definitely do not want to lose your girls.  Once you stop making plans with them or showing up to things they invite you to because you are only spending time with your 'soulmate,' you’ve hit a dead end.  Yeah, it’s nice to spend a lot of time with the person you love at first, but it’s extremely unhealthy to your life more than it is to your relationship.  There is a reason you have friends!  You shape each other’s lives.  You need those honest, caring, loving people that you trust with your life, especially when getting into a new relationship.  Once your honeymoon phase is over and you’ve completely let these important people slip out of your life, you will realize what a big mistake you’ve made.  Especially if your new lover has his own group of friends, you will need your girls to hang out with when he’s with them!  You don’t want to end up sitting alone, upset, wondering where you went wrong. Keep your friends close...

Family First

Don’t forget about the people who have always been there for you.  Just like your ugly stage and your awkward stage, through thick and thin family is always going to be there.  That is why it is so important to not lose touch with them, especially if a relationship is what is getting in the way of these values.  To overcome this potential sacrifice of your time, introduce your new lover to your family. Not only do you want your family to build a relationship with your significant other, bringing him or her around will encourage him to bond with your family as well. 

Have Boundaries from the Start

Make sure your partner knows that your independence isn’t a result of you trying to push him away.  Explain what you want to happen regarding your schedule and your time, and talk about when you two can be together and when you can’t.  Doing this at the beginning of a relationship sets up a steady flow for the rest of the relationship, because by knowing and understanding your partner's wants and needs, without thinking that you did something wrong, helps you both feel better. 

Make Sure This is What You Want

It might seem obvious and simple at first, but if you’re not happy, then leave.   It’s not always that easy, but it can end up being best for you.  To first let yourself believe that this person isn’t right for you is hard, but to then convince yourself to get up and leave is the harder part.  You might want this to work so badly, and you do everything you can to stay in the relationship and not let go.  That’s where you know it's wrong!  If you are trying so hard to make something work, then trust me, it is not meant to work.  Don’t force anything, slowly start to let go.  Awareness is extremely important because, remember, love blinds you and you must find a way to see through it. 

The list goes on and on, but it is up to you to decide what you want and to carry out the correct plan for your life.  Independence is the key to living a healthy life and having a healthy relationship. So go out and make a change for yourself right now, start living the way you want to!


Joli Rose is a 19 year old aspiring globetrotter who admires puppies and baking delicious chocolate chip cookies. she considers home to be anywhere that she is spending time with loved ones in her life. her heart belongs to the ocean, one of her biggest passions in life, along with DIY crafts, tie dying and writing short stories, blog posts and poems. if not found walking on the beach, she is probably shopping, baking, or striking a pose in front of a camera.


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