On a lazy Saturday afternoon I watched an episode of 'Everybody Hates Chris' that caused me to reflect on why women are sometimes attracted to the 'bad boy.' In the episode, Chris is trying to get the attention of one of the girls in his neighborhood. He decides to seek advice from an older gentleman who tells him to act like a particular T.V. rapper who's known for disrespecting females.
Upon hearing the advice, Chris treats every girl who approaches him with a mean, dismissive attitude. As soon as he acts like he doesn't care about the girls, they decide they want him to ask them on a date.
It's true that 'art imitates life' and even though this scenario takes places in a high school setting, I see the same cycle happen in adult life all of the time. Why do women often want to be with a man that could be labeled as a 'bad boy?'
I know a great number of women who struggle with this type of attraction and I've heard all types of excuses for their bad boy behavior - 'I don't want to be with a pushover. I need a real man.' Of course, every woman wants to be with a real man and not a pushover, but occasionally I've seen this manifested as being attracted to a man who doesn't want to be with you and shows it in his actions.
I've seen this scenario with successful women who have a high self-esteem, as well as women struggling with self-confidence and their purpose. A woman can feel validated in her career and / or being a mother and still not feel worthy of true love at the same time. Even more scary is that she may not even know she's enabling this emotional cycle in her relationships when pared with a manipulative man.
If you secretly find a sense of validation from being chosen after your boyfriend cheats on you - stop and evaluate why you're craving this false sense of security in your relationships.
As someone who has been there and back, if you find yourself competing with another woman for a man's attention, or if you take back your cheating boyfriend (after he stood you up to be with another woman) because you secretly find a sense of validation of being the chosen one - then, stop and evaluate why you're craving this false sense of security in your relationships.
Once you've taken a good look at the woman in the mirror (through meditation, journaling, or counseling) and you've begun to embrace the good and the bad, try to validate your worth independent of how someone else treats you. One way to begin doing this is by incorporating affirmations throughout the day. Remind yourself that you're a fabulous woman who deserves great love. I know it may sound a little corny and in the beginning it may be a little weird, but remember - what you speak about, you bring about!
About AJ Williams, The Single Black Chick: Digital Editor / Social Media Manager / Columnist / Writer for the Michigan Chronicle and former Relationship & Dating columnist for FRONTPAGE Detroit. AJ is the Creator and Blogger-in-Chief at SingleBlackChick.com, a personal blog/website where AJ shares her candid take on relationships, life and love using her dating life as a platform to empowering black women to embrace their skin, sexuality, soul and personal journey. Follow AJ Williams: Twitter @SingleBlkChick, Instagram @SingleBlackChick, Facebook: Single Black Chick.
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