AJ Williams

I was watching an old episode of Oprah where she was helping a 41-year-old woman find a date.  The woman was attractive, successful, without children and had never been married.  During the course of the show, Oprah asked her to make a list of the attributes she was looking for in a prospective date.

The woman began to list a variety of items including one requirement - the man could not drink out of a straw, because she felt that it showed a lack of masculinity.  After reading over the list, Oprah responded with a question that rang true with the audience and me.  She asked the woman if she felt the man on her list existed?  The woman responded 'No,' Oprah in turn replied, 'yes, he does exist and his name is Jesus.'

After the show I began to ponder my list of demands for a prospective date and questioned if I had a 'Jesus list' too?  Often times, women want to be with a partner who is good-looking, rich, sensitive, a beast in the bedroom, can anticipate our needs, knows our thoughts, can cook, knows how to dress, can communicate well, and get sexy with mad swag….Oh, I’m sorry that's my list.

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In most long-term relationships the cliché is true, you get 80% of what you need in a relationship and if you're getting more than 80%, you're the exception and not the rule.  That being said, I would encourage all women to stop looking for their 'Jesus List' partner and realize there are many wonderful men that although not perfect, can indeed make us happy if we focus on what really matters.

Now, I have been the victim of being on the wrong side of the fine line between settling and being too high maintenance in my expectations, so I have taken the time to determine what's important for me and maybe even for you too.  All people have different wants and needs in a relationship.

For example, emotional security is #1 on my list of standards for a partners and is a deal breaker for me if not present in a relationship.  However, for another woman I know, financial security is #1 for her, while sexual security is key for another friend.  (Yes men, there is a thing known as sexual security, and it is not what you think, however that is a subject of a different blog post!)  This does not mean financial security and sexual security are not important or deal breakers for me, but rather they are not my #1 deal breaker if not present in a relationship.

Often times we miss out on a relationship with a potentially great partner because we have too many expectations and don’t filter out the things that matter the most in a long-term relationship.  Trust me when I say I don't believe in settling, but there is a vast difference between high standards and impossibilities.

Take the time today, to write a list of everything you want and need in a relationship.  Then take the time to self-reflect and decide what are the top 5 things you can't live without in a relationship and perhaps let go of the remaining items on your list.  

I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and compare with my own!

 

About AJ Williams, The Single Black Chick: Digital Editor/Social Media Manager/Columnist/Writer for the Michigan Chronicle.  Former Relationship & Dating columnist for FRONTPAGE Detroit. Creator and Blogger-in-Chief at SingleBlackChick.com.

 

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