Emma Young

I’m lucky.  I go to a school with relatively socially conscious individuals and I grew up in an environment aware of sexism and gender stereotypes.  But I forget that my standards for gender equality and expectations for awareness on this issue isn’t the norm.  I forget that so many people don’t question the subtle perpetuation of gender roles and sexism that have wormed their way into our daily interactions.

10.22.TW

Image by Jessica Ward

I noticed this a while ago when hanging out with a friend who spends most of her time with straight males (an influence which is honestly severely lacking in my life).  They were discussing this one guy who had just left to hook up with a girl – apparently one of a long succession of such conquests in the past week.  It was strange, because they didn’t seem to have much respect for this boy, but even so one of them offhandedly commented, 'How does he get so much action?  It’s so cool, I wish I could be like that.'  To which I awkwardly protested, 'Stop it.  He’s not cool because he sleeps with people.  Don’t perpetuate gender stereotypes, don’t tell me a man is cool because he has a lot of sex.  That isn’t something you should envy.'

Seeing as how I hadn’t said much that night, it earned me a few confused stares but at least I managed to speak up.  Here’s a guy that my friend doesn’t really have a lot of respect for as a person – but simply because he sleeps around he suddenly has an admirable quality.  I’m looking at the situation and thinking: a few months ago a boy killed seven people because he believed he was entitled to have sex – he believed that some great injustice was done to him because he was a virgin at age 22.  And it’s clear where this attitude comes from – we may not overtly state it, but men are frequently judged on their ability to 'get' women.  This harms both parties.  It objectifies women, superficially measures men, and creates an environment of fear and entitlement, respectively.  At the end of the day, this guy wasn’t a bad, sexist person.  In fact he was generally nice and respectful – but he barely thought about the statement he was making or the implications it had, because it was just a natural part of his thought process. We’re surrounded by stereotyped gender expectations and it’s hard for us to question them when we barely notice.

I recently stumbled across a quote on Tumblr that adequately summed up my feelings about my fortunate upbringing: 'The worst thing about Tumblr is that you read all those pro feminist / anti-rape / anti-misogyny posts everyday and then you actually go outside and talk to a random guy and it feels like being punched in the face with a chair.'

This being-hit-in-the-face-with-a-chair feeling was familiar to me, seeing as I had experienced it earlier in the morning when my roommate asked if I had heard the terrible song, 'Wiggle.'  I had not.  I wish I never did.  Why?  Because the video opens on a man in bed surrounded by eight women (because that’s 'cool'), and in the first fifteen seconds cuts quickly between shots of lavish parties, fancy property, astoundingly blatant product placement and women with big breasts shaking their scantily clad asses.  Clearly things we all want.  Don’t get me wrong, I think people should be free to enjoy their sexuality.  I think women have the right to wear whatever they want.  But this video isn’t a call for women to embrace their bodies and express themselves freely and without fear of shame.  It’s an objectification that demeans women and perpetuates our ideas of what is attractive – curves with a surprising lack of body fat.  Because that’s what’s attractive to men, apparently, and what makes you worth the time of day.

Even without a video it’s terrifying how sexist this song is.  The first few lyrics?

'Say somethin' to her, Holla at her.  I got one question - How do you fit all that in them jeans?'  I’ll translate this for you: hey look, an attractive woman.  You know what the first thing you should wonder is?  Not about the way she thinks, or what she values, or how she’s doing, no.  But about how she fits her ass into her clothing.  Yes, that’s what should first and foremost be on your mind.

Grey.Line.7

We’re surrounded by stereotyped gender expectations and it’s hard for us to question them when we barely notice.

Grey.Line.7

Here’s the thing – you might find butts very appealing.  That’s great.  I’m sure you might want to compliment a woman.  But maybe, maybe, keep it to yourself until you get to know her and think she might appreciate a comment like that.  And maybe decide to rephrase it.

The rest of the song only gets worse (In case you didn’t see that coming based on the fact that the lyrics to the chorus are 'wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, etc. and on into infinity').  Suffice it to say there’s a lovely bridge that waxes poetic on the sexual acts that Snoop Dogg would like to do to you.  The problem right now is the subtlety in all of these sexist aspects of our culture – little details that we don’t notice until we do and then it’s just insulting.  Let’s look at these particular lyrics, 'Shake what your mama gave you, Misbehave you, I just wanna strip you, dip you, flip you, bubble bathe you.'  Yes, let’s ignore the grammar and consequent confusion of this sentence and notice that it’s not a fantasy about 'we,' it’s not an equal partnership.  It’s about what this man commands of a woman, and what he wants to do to, not with her.  The woman is not a partner.  She’s an object.

Gender stereotypes invade our daily lives, sometimes too subtle or too deeply ingrained to even garner our attention.  And both genders end up supressed because of it (take for instance our expectations of how each gender should portray emotions.  Women are supposed to get 'hysterical,' over-emotional, unreasonable, weak, or soppy, to the point where they can’t be taken seriously.  Men, however, shouldn’t feel, are supposed to bottle it up until it explodes because the only acceptable display of feeling has to be of the angry and violent variety. I don’t even need to begin to describe how unhealthy this gets). Never mind the fact that people who don’t identify with a gender are shut down completely.

At the end of the day, I’m not going to make the statement that we’re still stuck in the dark ages with regard to gender equality.  We’ve made amazing strides, even if only evidenced by the increase in people fighting against sexism.  It’s a good thing that I can pick apart the minutiae of lyrics that engrain these standards for each gender because we’ve at least taken care of some of the more major issues.

But even so – we need to open our eyes.  We shouldn’t need another shooting or some massive demonstration to remind us that sexism is very real.  It’s everywhere, subtle or obvious, in the objectifying marketing strategies of advertisement companies, the disrespectful portrayals in music videos and even our own flippant comments.

I know it’s a pain in the ass to try and be PC 24/7, to think about everything before it comes out of our mouths.  But we take a lot of clichés for granted that have no foundation other than our repetition of them.  It’s time to increase our awareness of the ways in which we unwittingly allow gender stereotypes to continue, because we don’t make big changes without addressing the little habits first. 

 

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