Nefertari Bilal

According to the Urban Dictionary, it’s a spiritual person whom is wise beyond their years; some people even believe an old soul is a person whom has learned from past incarnations, or lives.’  People always said I acted like an old woman; I didn’t have an interest in partying, drinking, or other activities and I was always reserved, preferring to make conversation with older people than those my age.  Older people weren’t blinded by the shallow politics of school life, and they didn't care about the clothes I wore.  My ideas weren't nerdy to them, but worth hearing out and full of wisdom.  Many a time people said I was mature for my age, or I possessed a level of depth many youth didn’t have.

8.20.Soul.Slide.3

Purchase Marc Jacobs Crescent Moon Stud Earring here.

But even more poignantly, I never felt at home here within society or perhaps even on Earth.  From a young age, I felt I didn’t fit in.  There was something in me that wanted so much more than worldly pursuits many find themselves chasing after.  Indeed, Laura Hamilton writes, ‘Aside from feeling it in your core, most old souls feel a certain disconnection from the earth.  While they appreciate it and try to bond with it, there is a nagging feeling that this planet isn’t their true home.  It’s just a temporary residence to learn certain lessons, not unlike being away at college.’  

There was no one more than one of my closest friends who felt this way.  She would often tell me ‘I think I truly am an alien in this world.’  This wasn’t hyperbole.  She preferred long hours to think alone, and had, like me, no desire for material possessions or status.  We had many conversations about the meaning of life, suffering and what one could learn from it, and the importance of being self-reliant not just from a financial standpoint, but emotionally and spiritually, too.  This was in a world that taught us money and status would make us loved and happy, that relationships were a means to an end, i.e money, security, sex and so forth.  That’s not to say either of us was without our flaws; sometimes the loneliness was so great it kept us both from reaching out to others who could’ve been our friends.  But we recognized a danger in clinging to such things, trying to use others to make us happy, when they were as ultimately impermanent.

Being an old soul can feel like a curse, in that many won’t share your view in life.  In my experience, few really take time to reflect on their past, present, or future unless a crisis arises.  A lot of people choose to try to find happiness in external things, and suffer when these things inevitably pass away.  Old souls want to find a purpose beyond simply making money, having material goods, or achieving ‘relationship goals.’  They want to find a place they belong and find knowledge about themselves and the world, so that they can self actualize in some way.  I find that every moment I breathe, I’m asking myself, where will I go next?  How can I make sense of my suffering, how can I find meaning in everything I’ve gone through?  I find myself searching for those like me who are disillusioned with the ways of the world, who want to transform themselves in their highest self, someone not trapped by fear or the dictates of society, but wants to find inner peace by transcending.  

Grey.Line.7

Old souls want to find a purpose beyond simply making money, having material goods, or reaching relationship goals.

Grey.Line.7

When I talked to a friend about the dangers of addiction, the importance of non-attachment to external things, he said ‘you are addicted, addicted to the truth.’  When I reflected on his words, I realize I’m indeed a seeker of knowledge.  Every day, I want to know how I can overcome my suffering, how I can learn to love in a caring, yet unattached way so that not only would I not be so dependent on anyone for love, but that they could be free to be themselves regardless of what I desire.  I long to travel not only to learn about new places, and to do my part to contribute to the empowerment of others, but in belief that it’ll be one of many things that’ll challenge me and help me mature further into the compassionate, resolute, and fearless woman I know I can be.

 

Nefertari Bilal is a Sophomore at Northwestern University, majoring in journalism with a minor in creative writing.  She is in New York City as an editorial intern for bSmart Guide. To see her other writing, please go to https://voicesofcolorblog.wordpress.com/.

  

Comments (1)

  1. Ana Ramos

Nefertari, what a beautiful writing on the mind of an old soul. I hear you and feel you, I find myself in the same space. I've lived a few more years here as an old soul and I've learned and am learning other lessons along the way. I am also...

Nefertari, what a beautiful writing on the mind of an old soul. I hear you and feel you, I find myself in the same space. I've lived a few more years here as an old soul and I've learned and am learning other lessons along the way. I am also honored because I can play an impactful role in the people I lead as I show them how to connect and redefine the meaning of wealth.

Do you want to know what is the biggest lesson so far? Go out there and be passionate for what you stand for but also remember to learn to play. Remember to be like a child and see this world in all its beauty.

My little niece always says to me - "this is the "best" day of my life"; "This is the "best" birthday ever"; "This is the best"...you can fill in the rest. I learned, the practice is hard, to just be like her and see everything for the first time. She is mini-me; an old soul as well that was put in my path for me to learn this lesson.

Enjoy your beautiful time on this earth! Live it, love it, give, lead and remember to always play...look at life with the eyes of a child.

Read More
 
There are no comments posted here yet

Leave your comments

Posting comment as a guest. Sign up or login to your account.
Attachments (0 / 3)
Share Your Location