If you’re anything like me, you’ve take dozens of personality quizzes on the Internet to find out if you’re an introvert or extrovert.  Some of us don’t even need a quiz to tell us if we derive our energy from alone time or people—often, our habits determine our preference for us.

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So, what are you?  For years, I believed I was an introvert.  I was very nervous around people as a child, so naturally, this meant that I spent a lot of time alone or with a few close friends, letting my imagination take the reins.  I’ve also always loved reading, and isn’t reading the quintessential sport of introverts?

I remained the quiet girl through middle and high school.  Frequently, you could catch my small group of friends and I reading, drawing, or writing.  I had volleyball or cheerleading practice in the afternoon, but I almost never went out with my friends at night or on weekends; instead, I spent my evenings in the quiet of my home, keeping up with homework.  Typical introvert stuff, right?

When I got to college, the landscape of my social life shifted.  I was constantly surrounded by people.  They were everywhere.  My room, my floor, my dorm, the cafeteria, my classes - quite the introvert’s nightmare.

It should have been. But the real horror was that I actually wanted to spent time with people, rather than curl up in my bed and pop the headphones in.  Why this change in preference, you ask?  I processed this for the first couple weeks of college and decided I had this longing to spend time with people because these were people I actually wanted to spend time with.  They were people who encouraged and supported me.

In high school I was not happy.  I was misunderstood.  I was excluded. I was forced into the same label—shy, quiet, book-lover—for years, and was never allowed to see the light of social life.  I did like my little group of friends, but I never quite felt like I belonged.  I desired to be part of the popular (the extroverted) crowd, as well.  Like everyone else, I just wanted to be included.  I wanted the freedom to be (and discover) who I was.  Being a part of the introvert group meant I could only explore the facet of my personality that was introverted.

Luckily, college was the perfect avenue for unleashing the extroverted side of my personality.  Unlike in high school, I had friends who included me, poured into me, encouraged me, included me, and enjoyed my company.  Ironically, I’ve had some college friends describe me as extroverted!  I still treasure my alone time, however, so I believe this makes me an ambivert.  An ambivert is someone who exhibits both introverted and extroverted characteristics.

Although you may peg yourself as either introverted or extroverted, I’m willing to believe you have traits of both.  In fact, I have a theory that this whole introvert/extrovert division is a myth, an excuse to categorize people and put them in boxes—much like what happened to me in high school.  I instead believe that there are people who give life and people who take it.  I think our preference for people or solitude is contingent on the acceptance and support (or lack thereof) we receive from our friends.  This is not to say, however, that we cannot enjoy our solitude (I know I do!); I just think that good friends will motivate us to spend sufficiently more time with others, too.

Regardless, I want to share how you can balance all of the facets and nuances of your personality, whatever your categorization.

For those who are more introverted…

Because going solo is often our default, sometimes it’s hard to remember we need people. This may sound silly, but make a conscious effort to talk to people everyday, preferably someone outside of your comfortable group of friends (although we should talk to them every day, too!).  Get out of your dorm room or your house and spend time in public. Maybe you’ll run into that guy from your chem class at the grocery store.  Instead of running the other way, why not engage him in conversation?  Be open to spontaneous interactions; let people interrupt you.

What we need as introverts is to get out of our heads.  Because we spend so much time alone, we also spend a lot of time thinking.  Why not share it with others?  Most people appreciate deep thinkers.  As good listeners, we often forget to speak.  Let people get to know you!  Tell them about what you love to do, what you’re reading, what you’re learning in class.  Share fun facts about yourself.  Remember, people need you as much as you need people.  Be a giver of life, a light to those around you.

All human beings need the presence and support of people

For those who are more extroverted…

Extroverts, make a conscious effort to spend time alone.  Slow down.  Pay attention to the rain hammering the tin roof.  Count the rhythm of your breathing.  Talk to God.  Let your guard down.  Think.  Feel.  Don’t be afraid of the silence.

The plight of the extrovert, I believe, is the need to constantly be ‘on.’  The need to be the center of attention, the life of the party, the jokester.  You don’t always have to be that person.  I’ve noticed several extroverts have a hard time being vulnerable.  Their social circle is wide but not necessarily deep.  Like an introvert, I encourage you to befriend one or two people you trust—not people you have to entertain, but people who make you feel like yourself—and go deep with them.  Talk through the night about life.  Practice listening.  Let soft-spoken people surprise you.  Feel the freedom to be laid-back and relaxed and real.

For introverts and extroverts…

Whatever your preference, we as human beings all desire the presence and support of people.  We all strive for deep relationships.  We all long to be deeply known and deeply loved.  By practicing both introvert and extrovert habits, I believe we'll be fulfilled in our friendships and accepting of our individual personalities.

Alyssa Rogan earned her degree in writing from Houghton College, a small, liberal arts college in western New York.  A native of Rochester, NY, she dreams of one day being a published author of contemporary YA literature.  Other than writing she loves reading, working out, baking, thrift shopping, the Buffalo Bills, and all things nineties.  Follow her on instagram at @alyssa_rogan.